QBQ 39 - We Need To Do A Lot Better.

People don’t like being labeled ‘immature’, but the truth is, we all have different characteristics based on our background and environmental influences. We are ignorant and wise, childish and conscientious, and all of it simultaneously. However, each characteristic stands out more than the others at different points in time. A person is emotionally immature if he/she chooses to constantly believe that the universe revolves around him/her. They are often called juvenile or childish because everything focuses on “me”, what I want, how I want it, when I want it, where I want it. Kind of reminds me of my 2 year old, ‘mommy, I want the brown and white ice cream in the big cup, I don’t want to brush my teeth first, I want it now’. They usually care less about other people’s feelings or needs. This trait causes a lot of friction in marriages because such union is about give and take. Those little sacrifices and act of putting your spouse’s needs before yours go a long way in solidifying the bond. Albert Einstein puts it this way, ‘maturity appears when we start to worry more about others than ourselves. Then there is this pride & egocentric attitude that come along with it, being overly expectant of their spouse because they feel every single need of theirs must be met by them and nourished. Maturity involves setting ourselves free from our ego and learning to explore other people’s worlds. Finally, the most annoying is the failure to commit or be responsible for anything, nothing is ever mutual with them, the relationship is more of a symbiotic one. They expect you to come up with solutions to every problem, and if something goes wrong in the process, they are usually quick to throw blames. To them, others are means to an end and not the end in themselves. Therefore they have the tendency to be highly dependent on their relationships. When it is time to take responsibility for their actions, they expect their spouses to share or lighten that responsibility. These traits take a heavy toll on marriages and it leaves the other party feeling emotionally drained, similar to where you have walls closing down on you. Parents need to do a lot more in raising their children, but they are not solely to blame. As adults, the responsibility lies on us to build, develop and improve ourselves daily through reading good books, attending motivational talks, counseling, mentor-ship etc. Life is a learning curve, we are all a part of it and no one is above it.